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     I was talking with my aunt  Audrey  and the subject of toilet paper came up. I mentioned the frantic scene this awkward item creat...

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Jesus: The Teacher of Love


I heard this handsome man's name a thousand times throughout my life. He is an icon to approximately 1,800,000,000 people around the world. How could someone who lived only 33 years leave such an indelible mark?

I dreamt of him swimming naked in the warm waters, surrounded by tiny waterfalls. I watched as he pulled his tall, lanky body out of the water to lie next to his forever lady love and soak up rays from the brilliant son.

I dreamt I walked with him through a cave  and discovered a drawing in the stone of him next to a similar carving of Ross, my late brother. In the dream, I could not help notice the physical resemblance of Ross to him, down to their crystal blue eyes.

With his posture straight and standing tall, he walked miles of hot, dusty earth until he finally reached his destinations. Of Jewish decent, he was born in the spring to a loving mother and father. He left home during his teen years to begin his calling. Instinctively, he lead by example.

His steely-blue eyes, auburn-colored hair and trim stature represented hope. Faith and prosperity of the heart embraced Jesus' warmth. He did not need to meet anyone in person for them to envelop all he offered. One merely opened their hearts, souls and awareness to receive the restorative powers he spread like a ripple effect upon calm, clear, aquamarine waters.

His short-lived life ended when he was only 33-years-old. Those outside his mindset were deeply enraged by the fierce loyalty of those who followed him and his beliefs. The antagonists were in far greater number than those who followed him. His powerfully intoxicating personality threatened those outside his group. Their fear was that they, too, wished to follow him. 

On a snowy December night, he was killed. As his loved ones gathered at a site on the Mount of Olives, they shed tears in agony at what could not be prevented. While his mother lay crying at her only child's feet, his father attempted to comfort her and in his own suffering, he continued the pride of his heroic son.

As I ponder life and what Jesus means to me, I take comfort having a friend known only to my heart, soul, consciousness and dreams. To this day, I think the world of him, the teacher of love.

Saturday, October 21, 2017

I'm Hardly an Old Dog

A growth mindset is one of my goals for life. I joined a health club to branch out, hoping to meet like-minded, health-conscious individuals and attempt a new venture. 

I arrived in time to join the final 10 minutes of a Zumba class. I could hear the pounding bass from the street and thought this would be a terrific class for me. The five women in attendance were sweating from their 50 minutes there. I walked to the back of the tiny room to begin. 

There was no way I could keep up with the instructor, whose booty easily and smoothly swayed from side to side. I was the whitest bread in the group with my knees stiff, as well as my mind. I thought if I danced freely, the others would think I am an easy middle-aged woman and I wouldn't have that! However, I could clearly see my reflection in the mirror, proving I had no groove left in my heart, body or soul.

The class finished and I waited for the Hatha Yoga class to begin immediately after. Although I do a few simple stretches every morning, I knew with this yoga class, I'd become more limber and ultimately, so would my mind and soul.

The instructor noticed I was new and introduced herself. She smiled and my blue eyes instantly focused on her missing front tooth. I thought of the wise adage, "Floss only the teeth you wish to keep." I gave her a strong handshake and when she walked away to prepare for class, my eyes bulged at the tattoo covering her entire back. Although I'm of Jewish decent, I reminded myself tattoos are common place in today's society and no longer a testament to Hitler's unfathomable inked marking of a singled-out, innocent, vulnerable, beautiful human race. 

I placed my borrowed yoga mat on the floor and began again to open my mind when a female attendee hollered, "Holy crap, that ocean music is loud!" I flashed back to the day I was a sassy 16 year old who came home from school to proudly mouth off to my mother my latest word: Crap. My mother's hand immediately raised with a first finger pointed in my face, "Don't you ever let me hear you say that word again. Ladies don't speak that way and as long as you're in my home, you'll behave like a lady." To this day, I've never used that word.

The yoga class began with the instructor telling us to deeply breathe in through our noses and our through our mouths. She allowed a loud belch to escape and then, rolled onto her side in a fit of laughter. I was horrified and again reminded of my family upbringing where proper manners were the norm.

Breathing could be heard by the five others, except not me. I didn't have the loud breathing in me. I remained quiet as a mouse, while feeling somewhat content with my participation. The instructor said to bring our knees up and then open the groin flat like a butterfly. I thought, "What the ?" My knees wouldn't open too far therefore, the instructor was at my side in a flash. I cringed and then, she put her hand too close to my groin with another moving toward my behind. I freaked out inside while attempting to remain calm outside. 

This was way too much for my uncomfortable level. I firmly said, "Got it. Thanks." Fortunately, she went back to instructing the class. I watched the clock like a hawk for the hour-long class to end. As the minutes inched onward, I participated to the best of my ability to avoid further conversation with the instructor. 

While lying flat, we were told to put our arms over our heads for the ultimate stretch. Again, I wasn't doing the maneuver properly and the instructor was at the back of my head to move my arms another way. She leaned over my face to ask whether it was okay to do this. I smelled the distinct repugnant odor of her smoker's breath and thought I'd wretch. I instantly became rigid again and firmly said, "No, thanks. I'm fine." By now, the only thought racing through my mind was, "Get me out of here!"

I couldn't wait for this new, mind-opening experience to cease. It was now 10 minutes after the class was to end and I came unglued. I jumped up and raced around the building to locate the front office gal to ask why the class wasn't ending. I was told the times are loosey-goosey. The yoga instructor began late, which would make my class run late and the next class wouldn't begin until mine was finished.

I quickly walked back to the yoga room, rolled up my mat, grabbed my belongings and left. I'll attempt the dance class again to learn how to groove to my heart, mind, body and soul. After all, my mind doesn't believe I'm an old dog. I'm still open to learning a few new tricks. 



Saturday, October 14, 2017

Running for My Life

While driving home last Saturday from the grocery store, a hitchhiker standing at the I-5 South on-ramp gave me the creeps. I thought, "Not on your life, mister!" I soon realized why the hitchhiker made my skin crawl. He resembled the man who murdered Ranee' Wright, my high school friend, two years after we graduated.
August 10, 1980, 19-year-old Ranee', "Nay-Nay", was driving home to Redding, California after visiting her sister in Sacramento. Her mother, sister and boyfriend expected her to arrive by 10 P.M. However, one of the tires on her Chevy Vega blew out on I-5 North. A man stopped and offered to help the beautiful, long-legged Ranee', wearing a strapless, maroon pantsuit. Her fresh-faced naiveté allowed him to drive her to a service station where she called family members to let them know she'd be safely home in an hour or so.
The following morning, Ranee's empty Vega was discovered on I-5. The authorities combed every square inch of Northern California until finally discovering her body August 17th, buried under a pile of gravel. She suffered a gunshot wound to her head by a monstrous man who ignored her trembling pleas, deeming her young life worthless.

Ranee' Wright, 1978
Enterprise High School, Redding, CA.

During my high school years, my mother was the bookkeeper at Dr. Oler’s orthodontics where Ranee’ visited to have her braces checked. My mother joyfully greeted Raneeand they visited until Ranees appointment time. Raneewas a teller at a local bank where she took care of my mother needs while they laughed up a storm. My mother would call to say, “I saw our darling Ranee’ again today!”
During the summer of 1980, I returned to the Hawaiian Islands to work in between school years at Brooks Fashion Institute in Long Beach, California. My mother called to relay the news of Ranee’s murder, however, I was unable to comprehend the magnitude of Ranee’s horrific death. Instead, in my mind’s eye, I gazed at her senior portrait. My mother attended Ranee’s funeral where a vast majority of the several hundred mourners were forced outdoors to hear the service from the overcrowded premises. My former high school friends attended to say goodbye to Nay-Nay, whose lively light full of wonder, was darkened by a murderer still on the loose.
In December of 1980, I completed my finals and was anxious to begin the 12-hour drive home to Redding for Christmas. I telephoned my mother at 3:00 P.M., to let her know I was leaving and she pleaded for me to wait until the following morning. I promised and then, promptly loaded “Beachie”, my Chevy Vega, to begin the long trip.
Beachie was complete with an 8-track player, speakers on the floor and an aluminum block engine. During our many travels, I put the pedal to the metal and together, we sailed along the highways. While driving home, Classic Rock blared from my speakers to keep me awake. However, at 2:00 A.M., on I-5 North, Beachie began making horrific noises, which I never experienced in any vehicle! It wasn’t long before Beachie’s engine died, along with my favorite music. I glided from life’s fast lane to the right side of the highway and stopped.
I sat frozen in the pitch black, surrounded by a million stars all around, although I had no peaceful, easy feeling. Cell phones weren’t a part of civilization yet therefore, I continued gripping Beachie’s steering wheel for comfort. Ranee’s plight replaced my false comfort and sheer terror consumed my skinny, 5’2 frame. I knew I had to begin running for my life!
I grabbed my purse, slung it sideways over my shoulder, jumped out of Beachie, locked the door and began running down the freeway as fast as my short legs could race. I was delirious with fright, which propelled me to continue long after I was physically prepared. With  my head straight, I continued when I saw headlights from the corner of my eyes.
I thought, “Oh, my God! Oh, no! Please, keep going! I’m too young to die!” The car was next to me keeping pace and I knew it wasn’t leaving. I heard a man’s voice holler from his passenger window, “Miss, it’s the California Highway Patrol. I’m here to help you.” I knew not to believe this lying murderer therefore, I continued running now keeping my eyes forward.
Suddenly, the car pulled ahead and screeched to a halt in front of me. The lights on top were now blinking and the officer was walking toward me. He said he saw my Vega with no one inside and began the search for me. I crawled into the front seat of his patrol car and thanked him profusely for coming to my rescue. He drove me to a gas station at the next exit and I called my parents. You can imagine the sound of my mother’s voice when I told her what happened.
Within 30 minutes, I was safely nestled in the loving arms of my parents. We thanked the kind officer and made our way home as a new winter’s day was dawning. Our Christmas together was filled with warmth, security, my mother’s comfortable food, the reuniting of childhood friends and the creation of more fond memories.
Nay-Nay and I were once lively young women, on the road to explore life’s adventures. I was gifted continuous life: I married, became an adoring mother, created a passion for writing my true stories and advanced to a middle-aged woman, while Nay-Nay’s brilliant flame was extinguished. The senseless, needless, heartless murder of Cheryl Ranee’ Wright is forever etched in my pain-filled, yet loving memory.

Deborah Patterson-Gilson, 1978
Enterprise High School, Redding, CA.

Friday, August 11, 2017

HUGE Pig in Kitchen Eating Cat's Food!

Monday, July 10, 2017

Deborah's Best Man

"Deborah's Best Man" ~

There's an available, healthy, middle-aged man searching and waiting for me, an available, healthy middle-aged woman. Synchronicity will make this happen and with your power, there will be two less lonely people in the world. He must pass your guidelines and be known by you or me.

I'm done with on-line dating sites and shooting in the dark. (I think the men on -line are probably in prison!) I have a spark, however, I can't start a fire without the perfect match.

So you may swiftly connect my best man, a loving guide to me, you need to know who I am.

Who is and Isn't Deborah Gilson?

A Loving, Supportive, Grateful Mother: Her best man is a father in kind
Democrat/Extreme Liberal
Relocating: To be closer to her son and relatives
Compassionate to all who are compassionate
Divorced: The best man for her has been married
Healthy: Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically
Funny: Loves to laugh!
Not into Alcohol: Rarely imbibes. Those days are gone.
Vegan: Organic produce, too.
Foods: Asian, especially Thai, raw (uncooked veggies)
Beverages: Zero VitaWater, Home-made lemonade w/ stevia, iced tea, hot herbal tea in winter, nut/soy kinds of milk, spring water
Not into Tattoos
Handy: No, however, her best man is a handyman
Mechanically Inclined: No, however, her best man is
Computer Savvy: No, however, she's a voracious writer and hopefully, her best man can keep their home computer up to speed
Homeowner: To a beautiful, paid, tidy, comfortable home
Travels: She used to and wishes to do so again - especially to Hawaii, once her beloved homeland
Quiet: Enjoys quiet time
Movies: Loves going to the theater and watching movies at home
Music: Classic Rock to Classical
Spiritual: No religious dogma
Physique: Petite with average frame
Work: Working and striving toward vocation as a published author. Her best man may be working doing what he enjoys or he's retired
Reader: NonFiction, philosophy
Activities: The symphony, cushy camping, bicycle strolls, Farmer's Markets, visiting Family of Friends, writing life's stories, driving to the snow, being on/near water, concerts, museums, art exhibits, garden parties, local live music
Patient: She is now. The best man needs to be patient for those who learn differently, get lost easily and need a calculator to add the simplest of numbers. After all, one cannot expect a fish to climb a tree.
Listener: Prefers listening to talking, which is exhausting.
Comfort Level: No extreme temperatures
Stylish: Enjoys dressing up and going out
Attractive: To her man as he is to her. Value keeping in shape.
Teeth: Excellent pearly whites
Eyes: Blue. Prefers her man to have either blue or green.
Hair: Like a horse's mane. Prefers her best man have hair, too. Bald men drive some women crazy, however, not Deborah.
Smoke/Drugs-free (including Big Pharma's)

Thank you for helping me find my best man. I know he's out there somewhere.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Ben Franklin's 13 Virtues

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In 1726, at age 20, Benjamin Franklin created a system to develop his character. I long to create such a system by sharing in-depth, deep and meaningful conversation. I continue searching for like-minded individuals with whom I may learn. Let's converge to discuss Ben's 13 Virtues and incorporate them today for the betterment of tomorrow's World:

  1. Temperance. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation. In other words, eat to satisfy the stomach, however, not to overstuff it. Drink alcoholic beverages in moderation and refrain from destroying brain cells.
  2. Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation. In other words, speak when there is something of importance and/or relevance to share, not merely to hear the sound of one's own voice. 
  3. Order. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time. In other words, put the crud where it belongs, give away unwanted items and throw away the rest. Make time for what is needed in life. 
  4. Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve. In other words, make a To-Do list and do what is on it.
  5. Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing. In other words, treat others well. If unable, do everyone a favor and find something constructive to do. Share a wealthy consciousness. Use every part of the apple. 
  6. Industry. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions. In other words, if Facebook and other Social Media sucks you into their vortexes, close those accounts and write a story or better yet, a book.
  7. Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly. In other words, give others the benefit of the doubt and speak with respect. If this is impossible, close your mouth and leave.
  8. Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty. In other words, cause emotional, mental and/or physical pain to no one, especially those in your direct care. 
  9. Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve. In other words, stop and think before acting out against anyone, even if you believe they deserve it for, they do not. 
  10. Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation. In other words, wash your body and clothes, while maintaining a presentable home.
  11. Tranquillity. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable. In other words, what anyone says about you is none of your business. Life happens, peoples' and animals' feelings get hurt. Seek to soothe when the unexpected takes place.
  12. Chastity. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation. In other words, kick the Friends with Benefits to the curb. There are no benefits here. FB's only result in painful, empty and broken hearts. When you are ready to begin a family, join in love. 
  13. Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates. In other words, imagine what Jesus, the teacher of love, would say. How would Socrates, the classical Greek philosopher, respond? 
     After reviewing Mr. Franklin's 13 Virtues and taking them to heart, I'd better get crackin'. I still have a lot of work to do.

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Straight from the Horse's Mouth

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    In my mind's eye and heart I'm a mare, an adult female horse. I have all my basic needs met with fresh water in my trough, shelter from Mother Nature's harsh elements and plenty of whole grains. For these blessings I finally attained, I give thanks. 
     However, I'm prevented from experiencing the life I see happening around me. I longingly watch horses rolling onto their backs while kicking their hooves into the unobstructed air. I see them running free in the pastures, grazing, basking in the sunshine and nuzzling each other.
          
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   Can a mare use her muzzle, the mouth and nostrils, to open the stall door latch? Perhaps the stable master will show mercy and open the stall door for her? What needs to happen before she, too, may experience all she sees? Others have visions in their mind's eye. Perhaps they, too, long to leave their grueling day quarters and are prepared for more. 
       I eagerly await the moment the stable master or hired hand hears my muzzle nudging the latch on the stall door to my tiny quarters. I envision this being, whether human, spiritual or the figment of my subconscious, proudly say, "Your spirit has been locked up long enough. You're mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually prepared to join forces with the herd of your kind." You've heard it straight from the horse's mouth.

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